Reclaiming Desire: A Journey of Healing and Empowerment After Betrayal
Rediscover Intimacy and Reignite Passion with Personalized Guidance
Counseling for Partners and Spouses of Sex Addicts
Discovering a partner's betrayal, especially due to sex addiction, can be a traumatic and overwhelming experience. The shock can leave you questioning everything and struggling with intense emotions like anger, anxiety, and confusion. It's important to know that these feelings are normal, and therapy can help you regain a sense of stability and safety.
You may have discovered the betrayal through inappropriate texts, online content, or a conversation with someone else. These revelations can trigger a strong response in your nervous system, making you feel out of control. It's common to feel torn between wanting to expose your partner's actions and protecting them, fearing judgment or backlash.
As a trained specialist, I understand the importance of self-care during this difficult time. I can help you sort through your feelings, establish healthy boundaries, and make decisions about your future, whether that involves therapy, separation, or rebuilding your relationship. Remember, the choice is yours, and you deserve to feel safe and supported.
How I Can Help:
Assess Relationship Issues: Understand the challenges you're facing and work towards healing.
Identify Triggers: Recognize signs of addictive behavior to prevent relapse.
Explore Healthy Coping Strategies: Find healthier ways to manage your emotions.
Rebuild Trust in Yourself: Regain confidence and clarity.
You don't have to navigate this alone. Recovery is possible, and I'm here to support you every step of the way.
Co-Addiction vs. Trauma: Understanding the Difference
The 12-step model popularized the concept of co-addiction, suggesting that partners of sex addicts suffer from their own disease. However, many partners find that this model alone doesn't address their deep traumatic pain.
When an attachment bond is violated, it creates a relational trauma wound. The relationship, once a source of warmth and safety, becomes a source of danger as trust is shattered. The body's response to such trauma can lead to a range of physical and emotional issues, making it challenging to follow traditional codependency advice without first addressing the trauma.
As a therapist trained in partner betrayal, I can guide you through healing from these wounds.
Prodependence: A New Approach
Prodependence offers a different perspective than codependence. While codependency often focuses on the negative aspects of caregiving, prodependence sees loved ones of addicts as heroes who continue to care despite the challenges. This strength-based model encourages self-care and healthy boundaries, recognizing that loved ones cannot simply stop caring for the addict.
In contrast to the deficit-based view of codependence, prodependence celebrates the resilience and love of those supporting an addict. It's about finding healthier ways to care, benefiting both the addict and the caregiver.
The primary difference between prodependence and codependence is in how we perceive "the problem." Prodependence acknowledges that loved ones of addicts often act out of love and a need to manage a crisis. While they may overdo or make ineffective decisions, this doesn't mean they are psychologically disordered. Instead of blaming or shaming them, prodependence meets them with understanding, recognizing their actions as a natural response to a difficult situation.
Codependence vs. Prodependence
Codependence views deep caregiving as a result of unresolved trauma, where individuals over-give, enable, and feel responsible for others' suffering. Traits include:
Over-giving and rescuingConfusing care with enablingDifficulty setting boundaries and maintaining personal needs
Prodependence, on the other hand, sees deep attachment and care as natural. It recognizes that loving someone with addiction involves extraordinary efforts for their safety and stability, without labeling this as pathological. It supports healthy attachment and seeks to guide caregivers in maintaining their own well-being while supporting their loved ones
Codependence
Codependence is a behavior model rooted in trauma theory, where individuals form deep bonds with others that mirror early traumatic experiences. In relationships, codependents often enable and enmesh with addicted or troubled partners, driven by unconscious childhood issues. This behavior leads to excessive caregiving, denial of personal needs, and a facade of normality to maintain the relationship despite ongoing hardship. Common traits include a need to feel needed, fear of criticism, low self-esteem, and avoidance of addressing their own problems. Treatment focuses on detachment, self-actualization, and healing from past trauma to break these patterns.
You deserve a love that honors your worth,Start your journey to healing and balanced relationships today.
Reach out now—your recovery begins here.
Start your journey to healing and wholeness by contacting Janeen. She will reach out to you to schedule a call within 1 to 2 business days.
Janeen Olmos, Therapist, Coach, and Consultant,
Take the first step towards healing and wholeness. Let's explore together.
Janeen Olmos, Therapist, Coach, and Consultant,
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